Ianto speaks Chav?
by Ianto'sCoffeeMinion
Summary: Jack and Ianto are on yet another Weevil hunt. They loose track of the alien and have to ask a hoodied witness where it went. Jack cant understand a word he says, Ianto translates! Janto...kinda!


**Tosh:**_** Ianto speaks chav?**_

**Jack: **_**Apparently so…**_

**Owen: **_**Where'd he learn that? Tosser school?...'How to blend in with the common chav, so you don't get mugged on your way home from wine tasting'.**_

**Jack: **_**Say what you will, but if he didn't translate I wouldn't have understood a word.**_

**Gwen: **_**It couldn't have been that bad! 'Ive dealt with many in my time as a copper.**_

**Owen: **_**Dealt as in, arrested and shoved in the car reading their rights, or actually listened to a word they said?**_

**Gwen: **_**What's to hear, it's all a bunch of bollox to get em back on the streets again and up to more trouble!**_

**Jack: **_**They're not all bad, some are just misguided. **_

**Tosh**_**: So when they scratched the SUV with keys they were 'misguided' were they?**_

_**Jack: …**_

_**Earlier that day…**_

Ianto was accompanying Jack on yet another Weevil hunt; why someone else couldn't go with Jack he didn't know. When Ianto asked him one day, he replied, 'No one looks sexier with cuffs in there hand than you…' obviously Ianto himself begged to differ, Tosh always looked good no matter what she did, Owen did it in style, and Gwen…well when she wasn't playing the bleeding heart routine she could get the job done efficient enough.

They were hot on their heels as the Weevil turned a corner in a back alley. Jack looked around intently, trying to figure out where it could have gone, they heard a car speed up. Shit. Jack stole a glance to Ianto who shrugged and pointed in front of them. Jack followed. It seemed that they had a witness but whether or not they would get anything out of him was another story all together.

**Jack:** "Excuse me, you wouldn't have happened to see my mate would you? He was dressed up in a Halloween costume…wrinkly skin, sharp teeth? In a boiler suit?"

**Hoodie:** "You havin' me on, America? You iz lyke well loco if u tink u iz messin wid my 'ed. Dis iz Titchey Tom aint it? He sent ya tuh start…nahhhh mate! I tellz yuh whats iz told 'im, he aint getting nuting from mey, not afta he cheated on mah sista!"

**Jack:** "Erm…"

**Hoodie:** "Nah bruv, nah, I sees ya, don' tink yuh hadz me fooled cuz you aint"

**Jack:** "What's he saying? I can't understand a word…"

**Hoodie:** "Are yuh startin oldie?"

**Jack:** "Heyyyy! I'm not that old!"

**Ianto:** "I beg to differ…anyway, back to the point. Let me ablige, sir"

**Hoodie:** "Sir!? Whatz dis chatta?"

**Ianto:** "Eyyyy Bredrin! Howz it hangin? Me an' mi brudda ere iyz lukin for mi cuz, hez lyke well mental, dressed up all Halloween lyke, u seez 'im?"

*Jack stares in shock, somehow this chavvy accent Ianto has put on overpowers his welsh. The hoodie looks at Ianto perplexed, then cracks a grin*

**Hoodie:**"Mateee! Why didn't ya jus' say mandem! Yeh, 'e went'dann der innit! Gots in da back of dat fly pussay wagon! They part of ur crew? Hook me up man! They iz lyke well fit!"

**Ianto: **"He said they got on the back of a car with women in, guessing it was Gwen and Tosh so were safe."

**Hoodie: **"Gwen ands Tosh? Deese yah bitches, yuh iz two luckie fellaz!"

**Jack:**"Right…tell him thanks"

**Ianto:** "Respect man! Fur ya trouble"

*Hands a twenty pound note to the hoodie, fist pumping in the exchange*

**Hoodie:** "Tanks brudda, nah ey can buy dem new trainers! Catch ya laterz".

*As they walk away*

"Ianto, that was…weird"

"Your'e telling me, I haven't spoken like that since some kid tried to steal my lunch money in Tiger Primary…some of my friends on the estate taught me some words to keep me outta trouble, whether or not they're still in use is another story. Seems like it worked though, might wanna get out of here quick before he comes back for more…money that is, he know were…how do they say…minted"

Jack just stares back with his mouth wide open. Is there anything this man doesn't know?.


End file.
